THEATER: Webber does 'Idol.' Of course he does.

The world's most successful composer Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber needs to chill with the reality TV. First, he made the decision to choose an unknown to play “Sound of Music” leading lady Maria, via BBC reality show "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" Then he appeared on BBC One's "Any Dream Will Do!" and attempted to find a new Joseph for his revival of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." Last but not least, he appeared as a guest judge on the biggest mockery of musical theater known to man NBC reality camp-fest "Grease: You're the One that I Want," to help find Broadway's new Sandy and Danny.

And now, as Seacrest informed us last night, it's "American Idol." If it’s a matter of gaining more mass appeal, I don’t think the Kelly Pickler-loving 'Idol' audience is the right target, Andy.  

And conversely, I don’t really feel like hearing the contestants wreck theatrical classics that I happen to appreciate. I’d rather not listen to David Cook’s cocky rock version of Gethsemane from "Jesus Christ Superstar," Frampton-esque voice box and all. Or Kristy Lee Cook’s bluegrass rendition of Don’t Cry for Me Argentina. Thanks, but no thanks.

Below, some offhand predictions for Lloyd Webber week, with the Top 10 sure to make his songbook "their own" and, in turn, as over-commercialized as humanly possible. If that's even possible.

Michael Johns: Oh, What a Circus (Evita)
David Archuletta: Any Dream Will Do (Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat)
Christy Lee Cook: U-N-C-O-U-P-L-E-D (Starlight Express)
David Cook: Heaven on Their Minds (Jesus Christ Superstar)
Brooke White: Take That Look Off Your Face (Song and Dance)
Chikezie: Magical Mr. Mistoffelees (Cats)
Jason Castro: Love Changes Everything (Aspects of Love)
Carly Smithson: As If We Never Said Goodbye (Sunset Blvd.)
Syesha Mercado: Only You (Starlight Express)
Ramiele Malubay: Close Every Door (Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat)

-Perrie Samotin